Post by Jennie on Apr 20, 2005 14:02:48 GMT
So...this is I story...
The Voice
You’ve awaken in your car & you haven’t remember where you’ve gone. You felt lost for a second, but a little bit later you feel well…as usual…you come to your senses quickly…But maybe you haven’t wake up yet? You feel my voice deep inside…you don’t hear it, but you feel the voice penetrates deeper into your chest with every word striving to reach to the farthest places of your soul. It vibrates…but not in unison with your heart & you feel terrible…
Yeah…you didn’t call me & ,frankly speaking, I didn’t want to come. It’s strange but it happens & you’re feeling my thoughts now…& they’re like your own…But I know what’s going in with you! You ask to stop the car…you don’t explain anything…you just get out of the car to the cold November’s rain…
You’re cold. You don’t understand it. WHY? The cold isn’t outside, it’s inside of you…deep inside…maybe it’s my voice…Warm clothes won’t save you. You go along the road, & you don’t look around. You notice nothing…you try to remember what happened , try to remember that dream which you’ve just seen but…suddenly you realize that you haven’t seen dreams for a long time. You don’t understand what’s going on. You rise up your face & you stand still feeling raindrops…
You’re trying to remember your face, which was painting on the wet road by fog & rain. This portrait is painted in one color – in grey – in the color of sorrow which is opposite to the red(as blood) sunset. You used to think that you haven’t any similarity with that portrait…& you still think so…
You feel unusual…you haven’t stayed alone for a long time…but you’ve been alone for a long time…
You go faster. It seems you to escape but you don’t understand that there’s no way. You’re all alone, nobody’s with you…even me… & the problem isn’t in a great distance between us…there’s a mist between us…you use to dissolve the mist, to hide yourself there…You don’t know why…You’re afraid…you’re afraid to lose your cover of mist in which you hide yourself… You try to make yourself believe that the life you live is your own…
I’ll tell you who was in that portrait. It wasn’t you…It was a appearance everybody believe in…You use to be rich, to be loved…yeah…you use to be rich…the look on the things changes if you look on things through money…You think people love you for your money & you don’t care…
…because you, like that people, don’t try to see a soul in chance acquaintances…they’re just a way to spend time for you…& you’re the same for them…have you ever thought that the time could revenge you? Maybe I’m this revenge?..
your soul dies…& you die with your soul but you don’t notice it…You don’t want to…& why do you have to notice if you can live without soul?...but why do you feel so cold of my words? Why do you try to escape? To find the loneliness? You don’t know…you’re just afraid…you just don’t want to show you real to people…cause they won’t accept real you, they will turn their backs to you… & you’ll stay alone…But aren’t you alone now?
You open the door of you house & run upstairs leaving the door open. You run into your room & lock the door…what for?... Nobody’s here…Nobody who’ll try to size you up…You curtain windows, sit on the floor, hide your face in the collar…you’re trying to hide, to escape…
But someday somebody will try to size you up. That person will just give you a glance… Not a simple one, like others used to do, he’ll give you a real glance…& he’ll see REAL YOU…& it’ll hurt you, cause he’ll pull out all you feelings, your fears, your thoughts. & finally you’ll see a person you could be. All that were right & necessary to you will break… They’ll fall to your foots like ash of your burnt soul…& your soul will revive from this ash…& you’ll have to start everything again…Start on your own…But will you manage to do it?
The darkness is round you. You try to listen for a second but you hear nothing, even the beat of your heart…There’s no voice with you. This are you own thoughts. You rise up you face wet of tears…You want somebody to be with you, to help you to become real…It doesn’t matter who it will be…But the truth is that… that nobody needs you until you’re unreal. Because you’re nowhere…What is the purpose of wasting time on nothing? Nobody needs constant fraud!!!
Your life is fraud. Tears are falling down your cold cheeks, but they don’t hurt anymore…You’re angry…are you angry with me? so, let it be…I know I’m not guilty at all… I just wanted to understand you…to understand you inner world, but YOU don’t understand yourself…Because there aren’t you…you aren’t here & there & anywhere…You’ve lost your soul…You became a shadow, a ghost… You’ve been hiding into the mist for a long time & finally you’ve become a mist.
The darkness is around you. How did it happen that you sit all alone in your room on the floor & you tears, so real tears, couldn’t wash your mask? You use to be in this mask & you don’t notice it. How did it happen that all important thing for you have no place in your life? but maybe it’s right? Maybe somebody else, not you, have to change all? You know it not like that.
You’re screaming. Stop, it isn’t worth doing…Now all you have to do is to submit & to stifle my voice, which you hate, because it talks to you… Now I can leave you…You won’t have anybody to accuse. I don’t know why I’ve come…you haven’t call me… Only rain’s crying will stay in your soul instead of my voice…The rain is crying for you lost soul… You haer it’s crying & you know that it’s truth…
You lay your head on the bed & close your eyes. Tears dry on your cheeks without leaving something instead of them. You don’t want to understand me…You run again…………
You fall asleep for the first time in the last period & you have a dream. In this dream you’re real…You feel safe…You feel safe because I’m with you…I know you but I want nothing of you…you were so scared of it…
The wind opens the window. The mist get into the room looking for his old friend, but he isn’t here & the mist gives up his place to cold wind, which brings perpetual… They want to take you back. They needed you like you used to need them. But you don’t come back to them… Now everything will be good, like it should be from the very beginning…
Now you’re free…This room, this darkness, this silence, which are around of you…all are given to you to help you to survive…You clearly see all mistakes of you life…Maybe you’ll feel sorry about it, because it’s harder to live in lie & vice not letting them in you life…You can stay alone…but yo won’t be alone. You only have to call & my voice will ring in unison with your heart…& you’ll see that you’ll feel much better…because HE isn’t in your life…
wrote by Jiffer, translated by Jennie
The Voice
You’ve awaken in your car & you haven’t remember where you’ve gone. You felt lost for a second, but a little bit later you feel well…as usual…you come to your senses quickly…But maybe you haven’t wake up yet? You feel my voice deep inside…you don’t hear it, but you feel the voice penetrates deeper into your chest with every word striving to reach to the farthest places of your soul. It vibrates…but not in unison with your heart & you feel terrible…
Yeah…you didn’t call me & ,frankly speaking, I didn’t want to come. It’s strange but it happens & you’re feeling my thoughts now…& they’re like your own…But I know what’s going in with you! You ask to stop the car…you don’t explain anything…you just get out of the car to the cold November’s rain…
You’re cold. You don’t understand it. WHY? The cold isn’t outside, it’s inside of you…deep inside…maybe it’s my voice…Warm clothes won’t save you. You go along the road, & you don’t look around. You notice nothing…you try to remember what happened , try to remember that dream which you’ve just seen but…suddenly you realize that you haven’t seen dreams for a long time. You don’t understand what’s going on. You rise up your face & you stand still feeling raindrops…
You’re trying to remember your face, which was painting on the wet road by fog & rain. This portrait is painted in one color – in grey – in the color of sorrow which is opposite to the red(as blood) sunset. You used to think that you haven’t any similarity with that portrait…& you still think so…
You feel unusual…you haven’t stayed alone for a long time…but you’ve been alone for a long time…
You go faster. It seems you to escape but you don’t understand that there’s no way. You’re all alone, nobody’s with you…even me… & the problem isn’t in a great distance between us…there’s a mist between us…you use to dissolve the mist, to hide yourself there…You don’t know why…You’re afraid…you’re afraid to lose your cover of mist in which you hide yourself… You try to make yourself believe that the life you live is your own…
I’ll tell you who was in that portrait. It wasn’t you…It was a appearance everybody believe in…You use to be rich, to be loved…yeah…you use to be rich…the look on the things changes if you look on things through money…You think people love you for your money & you don’t care…
…because you, like that people, don’t try to see a soul in chance acquaintances…they’re just a way to spend time for you…& you’re the same for them…have you ever thought that the time could revenge you? Maybe I’m this revenge?..
your soul dies…& you die with your soul but you don’t notice it…You don’t want to…& why do you have to notice if you can live without soul?...but why do you feel so cold of my words? Why do you try to escape? To find the loneliness? You don’t know…you’re just afraid…you just don’t want to show you real to people…cause they won’t accept real you, they will turn their backs to you… & you’ll stay alone…But aren’t you alone now?
You open the door of you house & run upstairs leaving the door open. You run into your room & lock the door…what for?... Nobody’s here…Nobody who’ll try to size you up…You curtain windows, sit on the floor, hide your face in the collar…you’re trying to hide, to escape…
But someday somebody will try to size you up. That person will just give you a glance… Not a simple one, like others used to do, he’ll give you a real glance…& he’ll see REAL YOU…& it’ll hurt you, cause he’ll pull out all you feelings, your fears, your thoughts. & finally you’ll see a person you could be. All that were right & necessary to you will break… They’ll fall to your foots like ash of your burnt soul…& your soul will revive from this ash…& you’ll have to start everything again…Start on your own…But will you manage to do it?
The darkness is round you. You try to listen for a second but you hear nothing, even the beat of your heart…There’s no voice with you. This are you own thoughts. You rise up you face wet of tears…You want somebody to be with you, to help you to become real…It doesn’t matter who it will be…But the truth is that… that nobody needs you until you’re unreal. Because you’re nowhere…What is the purpose of wasting time on nothing? Nobody needs constant fraud!!!
Your life is fraud. Tears are falling down your cold cheeks, but they don’t hurt anymore…You’re angry…are you angry with me? so, let it be…I know I’m not guilty at all… I just wanted to understand you…to understand you inner world, but YOU don’t understand yourself…Because there aren’t you…you aren’t here & there & anywhere…You’ve lost your soul…You became a shadow, a ghost… You’ve been hiding into the mist for a long time & finally you’ve become a mist.
The darkness is around you. How did it happen that you sit all alone in your room on the floor & you tears, so real tears, couldn’t wash your mask? You use to be in this mask & you don’t notice it. How did it happen that all important thing for you have no place in your life? but maybe it’s right? Maybe somebody else, not you, have to change all? You know it not like that.
You’re screaming. Stop, it isn’t worth doing…Now all you have to do is to submit & to stifle my voice, which you hate, because it talks to you… Now I can leave you…You won’t have anybody to accuse. I don’t know why I’ve come…you haven’t call me… Only rain’s crying will stay in your soul instead of my voice…The rain is crying for you lost soul… You haer it’s crying & you know that it’s truth…
You lay your head on the bed & close your eyes. Tears dry on your cheeks without leaving something instead of them. You don’t want to understand me…You run again…………
You fall asleep for the first time in the last period & you have a dream. In this dream you’re real…You feel safe…You feel safe because I’m with you…I know you but I want nothing of you…you were so scared of it…
The wind opens the window. The mist get into the room looking for his old friend, but he isn’t here & the mist gives up his place to cold wind, which brings perpetual… They want to take you back. They needed you like you used to need them. But you don’t come back to them… Now everything will be good, like it should be from the very beginning…
Now you’re free…This room, this darkness, this silence, which are around of you…all are given to you to help you to survive…You clearly see all mistakes of you life…Maybe you’ll feel sorry about it, because it’s harder to live in lie & vice not letting them in you life…You can stay alone…but yo won’t be alone. You only have to call & my voice will ring in unison with your heart…& you’ll see that you’ll feel much better…because HE isn’t in your life…
wrote by Jiffer, translated by Jennie
